maybe after he's gone...

so many things i just can't tell you about...

so london has this store called dr. disc which has been around for years and years and has basically stood the test of time as the only record store in london worth even going to... but i just found out they're closing for good in january, which is pretty sad. i used to basically live there when i was younger. when i was in high school, every month when i'd get my welfare cheque i'd go to the record store and allow myself to buy one cassette tape. it was a stupid purchase as i didn't even have enough money to live on, and that 12.99 could be better spent on some cans of soup or something, but whatever, i needed music.

i went there yesterday and saw my man steve (dj res) putting the letters up in the sign... "going out of business..." they had a few boxes of vinyl sitting on the curb, people were picking through them. i grabbed a few things. some german beer drinking songs. a record of scottish folk songs. bay city rollers. rod stewart. dean martin. there were some guy lombardo records, but i just couldn't bring myself to bring them home...

i also picked up a cd copy of the zombies' odessy & oracle.



i love the zombies. colin whatshisname has one of the greatest voices i've ever heard.

the cool thing about this chick is she's not impressed easily.

-ryan

i hate poets...

i really, really, really hate poets.

so they call me in to work early last night, it's supposed to be busy for some poetry reading. great. they leave me a message to come in at six. i get the message at quarter after six. i get there at quarter to seven. i walk in and some guy is playing the cello to a room half full of people i would never want to talk to in a million years. after cello boy is done, a few of them take turns getting up on the microphone and giving the most boring readings you've ever heard in your life. they're reading from some well known writers, but jesus, they give absolutely nothing of themselves. plus, most of them don't drink. why are you in a bar? aren't there coffee and tea-houses for this stuff? eventually, the "featured poet" goes up, and proceeds to bore the christ out of christmas. all i'm thinking the whole time she's up there is "are these your words? you wrote these? do they mean anything to you? if so, then why are you reading them out loud like you're reading the newspaper or quoting stock prices? zero feeling. i don't believe you..." seriously. if you wrote this shit and it's supposed to be important to you, show that. put on a show. let out even a hint of emotion, please. these are words!! fuck, they have power, they can get inside people, but all you'll let them do is fall out of your mouth to the floor and turn to dust. pathetic. i hate poets. fuck you.

really, i hate most "artists" in general. kids, listen... there is only one reason in your life to make art: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO. that's it. i'll say it again: BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO. if you have no choice at all in life BUT to make art, then shit, you don't have a choice, do you? if you CHOOSE to make art, then you don't really need to be there, fuck off. this goes for all wannabe writers, painters, sketchers, poets, actors, musicians, singers, dancers, etc. art is not cool. it is a painful, shitty, cancer-ridden, depressing, uncertain, anxiety-filled blur of a half-lived life. go rock-climbing or something.

sincerely,
fuck you,
ryan

ciao baby...

oh yeah, you should be listening to edie brickell right now...

kool genius...

so i had this great idea for some paintings where i was using these iron-on things to glue images over the paint on the canvas but my genius mind didn't realize that the heat from the iron would just melt and fuck-up the paint so now i've just got this giant mess that barely looks like anything...

mixed planet...

i just woke up from a twelve hour sleep, complete with fever and cold sweats and dreams that felt more like hallucinations. i have a lump in my throat. didin't get home from toronto until about 6:30am on saturday morning, it took about 4 hours. i can't swallow. i feel much better now. i'm craving chicken wings...

it's been such a crazy week. i'd love to tell you about it, but i don't know, sometimes you just want to keep some things to yourself...

i know i keep promising i'll write more, and i will, eventually, get back into a routine here... but for now, i'm in a bit of a different place...

the fat lip album is finally out. there's only one store in london that got copies, and they've sold out of it twice now. i went there yesterday for it, he said they got them in the day before, but they didn't even make it to the shelves, people bought up all their copies from the box behind the counter before it was even unpacked. crazy. he said he'll hold one for me, should be getting more in on wednesday...

mountain no mountain...

again, i haven't written to you in a while. i just haven't felt like i've had much to say. the days and weeks have been blending into eachother...

patterns forming,
breaking these patterns,
patterns are boring...

i'm sitting at starfucks writing this. i know, i know, and yes, i'm one of those annoying people who sits in the coffee shop with their laptop. thing is, winter is here, and i need to force myself to get out of the house as soon as i wake up, or i will miss what little sunlight there is, and go crazy. starfucks has windows and wireless internet. so they win.

today is the first day of snow this season. the ground is covered. the sky is white. the air is full. every year it's the same surprise, and what i welcome now as a friend, i know will soon become my enemy. like falling in love with a woman and ending up in the most insane screaming matches a few months later. i hate you, i love you. who's fault is it?

my body has been trying to hibernate, it's been so cold the last few days. my sleeping cycle has gone totally haywire. i'll sleep 10 hours one night, 3 the next, 12 the next, 4 the next, 11 the next... so strange. but the nights i sleep only a little, i've been going for walks. i work late, i live life late into the nights, so getting up early is a rarity for me. so, on the occasional early rising, i like to get out of the house, go for walks, and see what happens with the world while i'm usually in bed. not too far from my house is a walking/bike path, along the thames river, it goes for miles, and is a wonderful walk.

my mom is in chemo right now. she has shaved her head. my step-dad shaved his head to, which i think is pretty cool.

i finished shooting my scenes yesterday in this indie movie these cats are making here in town. there will be a trailer up soon. i will link you when it's up.

not sure what else to tell you, i'm just living a very simple life these days. i am off this afternoon to buy some canvases and paints and see if i can make these things i've been seeing in my mind. it's been over a decade since i held a brush. i'm saddened by that, but i understand it now. visual art was my first love, and the first of my gifts to make itself known. before i knew words, or music, i was doodling. i look at art i made when i was eleven years old, and i know it's better than what i can make today. that is wrong. i think, at some point, i felt so much pressure from those around me to be an "artist," that i just walked away from it. i left my first love, not because i did not love her back, but because she wanted to marry before i had seen the world. a decade later, no, more, i am seeking her out again, this time, not for a romantic love, but for a friendship. i hope she accepts.

good day my friend,
make every moment count...

ryan

ps. first there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is a mountain...

les photos...

less experimental material...

hey, just stumbled across a review of the OK Cobra album at the cyberkrib...



After a lengthy tenure as the hip-hop scribe at Vice magazine, now Montreal-based Fritz the Cat returns as a recording artist as part of OK Cobra. Partner Recordface provides the beat soundscape for the ten (plus one bonus interlude) tracks that Fritz raps over with guest appearances from Mindbender, Vangel, and Jon Juan.

Squarely aimed at the Def Jux/Anticon/Rhyme Sayer-oriented audience, Fritz surprises with his skills on the mic, the subject matter tailored moreso towards the esoterica enjoyed by that particular listening segment. The beats are somewhat minimal, full of sharp stabs echoing electronic bleeps bolstered occasionally by a classic breakbeat groove. The project holds together as a complete venture as opposed to any standout songs. OK Cobra will be hard pressed to secure any commercial airplay, but it's likely that isn't the aim of this outfit.

Fritz's column in Vice was one of the longer running features of that periodical - after a self-imposed hiatus, he's back in the game, but on the other side - OK Cobra isn't for everyone and is challenging listening for those predisposed to less experimental material. For those so inclined though, OK Cobra may tie them over between projects from the aforementioned labels.

freedom angel...

please check out my friend amanda zelina's new website... she's an extremely gifted human being...

speed city...

The world works in strange ways. We all know this. Coincidence is the norm. So i emailed those London Punk links to my older brother, Devin, thinking he'd get a kick out of checking that stuff out, since it was totally his scene. He writes back with this...

"Dude.
The Demics.
Lead singer: Keith Whittaker.



recognize the last name?
That's Drew Whittaker's uncle.
Remember Drew, my buddy?
Keith died of cancer about 4 years ago.
The Demics are one of my favourite bands.
I have their two CD's.  Or I should say had, as I lent them out and they are
gone....
During the late 70's and early 80's London was a hotbed for punk rock.
The York Hotel (now Call the Office) was known for "finidng" local punk rock
bands, and also hosted some of the biggest international punk rock names.
Across the street was a bar named Bullwinkle's, it also hosted many a find
band.
On Talbot street was a bar named Key West, also a punk rock bar, plus the
Brunswick.
The Forest City Gallery also hosted many a punk rock show.
London was such a hotbed for punk rock, in fact, that it became known as
"Speed City".  There was also a lot of heroine use here.  Mike Todd hosts a
radio show on CHRW called Speed City, and also owns Speed City Records
downtown.

The Demics biggest hit: "New York City", as actually written as a joke.  One
of the locals at the old York Hotel was always carrying on and on about how
he was sick of London, had to get out, as was going to New York City, and
how much better it would be there.  Keith got a little sick of this guy, and
wrote the song as a joke.

On another note, during the 50's & 60's, our Nana Barber ran the kitchen at
the York Hotel.

cheers,
devin"

So, one of his best buddies is the nephew of the dude from the Demics, and our grandmother used to run the kitchen at what is now Call the Office. Cool shit.

later 'gators,
ryan

ps. a couple of links for you...

rumble pack
nuntype

shooter special...

i meant to put this up before halloween, but whatever, it's a dope flyer, so look at it now...

punk rocks in a forest city...

just got home from working on some tunes with the boys. it's slowly coming together. we're hoping to have our first ep done up and out to you by christmas time, but we'll see if that happens or not. just remember to keep christ in christmas.



(Andrea Mantegna)

i managed to make it through another night without any booze (one bottle of evian, and two perrier), so i'm feeling good. got a phone message from my doctor today... he got the results from my blood tests, and says that everything is cool. cholesterol, cell counts, etc., it's all good. wicked. i guess all the booze, *****, and cigarettes aren't all that bad (for now), as long as i keep drinking orange juice and eating chicken and salad (i even eat the tomatoes, as disgusting as they are).

filmed some more scenes for that film today. bocci (or is it bocce?) ball. i got my ass kicked again, had to do a bunch of takes of this scene where i get tackled. scraped up my knee a bit, but i'm not going to cry about it. good times. i'll have a clip up for you in a few days.

for the past two weeks, since going to montreal, i've been slowly going through my entire cd collection (it's so nice to have it back). i've loaded about 6,000 songs into my itunes (damn, this thing is fast, slide it in, hit the import button, go take a piss, come back, and it's finished). the fucked part is, that's not even 10% of my collection, i guess i've been a bit of an OCD collector (shit, i'm going to have to buy a super ipod or something). i'll probably want to start sharing some music with you all soon.





so, nevada got me onto this london band, the demics, who i put a link or two up for yesterday or the day before. anyway, it got me on a little kick to do some research on other bands from this beautiful city. i remember growing up here, my older brother was really into the local punk scene. the college station here, chrw, used to play a ton of wicked local bands.



i don't really listen to the radio (except, of course, my beloved technicolor web of sound), so i'm not sure what they're playing these days (and honestly, in london right now, i'm not so sure there are too many good bands. i mean, what are your options? project wyze or kittie? jesus...), but i stumbled across this archive site they have, with a ton of mp3s available, from a history of london bands. i highly encourage you to check it out. start with the demics, then move backward and forward in time from there. you'll be seeing ok cobra and fly casual on there soon...

(and on second thought, there are some good bands here, i shouldn't make stupid statements like that, based on whatever crappy local bands get played on muchmusic... really, i just need to get out more and hear some shit, like these guys, they're making good music, i bought their cd and i'm digging it.)

i emailed that mp3 archive link to my older bro, i think he'll dig it.

by the way, my nephew rules. i saw him today (it had been a couple of weeks i think), and his eyes are the bluest of blue, and he's making lots of noise now, looking around, moving his hands and staring at you like he's really trying to figure out what you're all about. and i apologize in advance for the mushiness, but here he is on halloween, the best kid in the world...



g'night all, i really need to get some sleep, i only got about three hours last night...

ryan

(or i might just stay up all night like a crack addict and listen to a thousand songs...)

ok cobra reviewed in exclaim (finally...)

so i sent an email to my man tom quinlan at exclaim magazine all like "dude, why haven't you reviewed my record?" and he hits me back like "dude, i did, like two months ago, it's on their website, here's the link."

thanks tom, that's pretty cool.

oh yeah, the okcobra.ca site is down for some reason. i don't know why.

one more hour...

i'm up after about 4 hours sleep, got to go shoot some more scenes in this bocci ball film. i hate when dudes tell you to be ready at 10am, and it's almost 11am and they still haven't picked you up, and you're all like "arrgh, i could have slept another hour..."

check out my man phoenix orion's new album with canabis, cloak and dagga.



more info can likely be found here, and here.

later 'gators,
ryan

demics...

if you're curious, here's some stuff about the demics...

i wanna go to new york city...

here's my last 10 days or so...

thrs. oct. 20
go the the doctor's for a physical. i haven't seen a doctor in years. i pee in a cup, i get naked, he grabs my nuts and i cough. he says my blood pressure is spot on. my doctor is hilarious, he's from india or something, and when i was a little kid i thought his accent was funny and he'd call me "big chief" or something. band practice. got hammered. went to the barking frog, moka only and the quartertones again. some kind of promo show. a basketcase full of heinekens and jack daniels.

fri. oct. 21
get up and go to montreal with jamie and nevada. there are only two seats in the cargo we rented, so one of us has to sit in a lawn chair in the back. yes. finally going to get all my stuff i left there six months ago when i moved to london with a backpack of clothes and five bucks. we get in late. go to sahra's house, have a few beers, then hit up the biftek. hmm, hmm, beer.

sat. oct. 22
montreal. yes. breakfast. moving, packing the van... so nice to have my records back, cds, books, bed, desk. mike seems like he's doing well. owain's moved out or something. word. trying to figure out with mike how to get all my video footage off his computer and onto my laptop, but we're idiots and can't do it. meet up with emma from mudscout, talk about my book, get hammered. we all end up at korova, then back at mike's, we sit around all night and listen to the demics' "new york city" about eight thousand times.

sun. oct. 23
we get up, and head back to london. i'm sad. being back in montreal, walking the same streets, packing up my stuff, seeing sahra, i didn't realize how much this trip would affect me. i'm crying as we pull onto the highway. it's like the city of montreal and i broke up six months ago, and i finally went back to get my shit from her apartment. back at home. broke. no money left. sleep.

mon. oct. 24
uh, i don't know, i probably worked.

tue. oct. 25
same as above.

wed. oct. 26
there was a bunch of stuff that happened last week that i wanted to tell you all about, but i can't remember any of it.

thr. oct. 27
27 is one of my favorite numbers. probably band practice. probably drunk. not sure. oh, i think i had lunch with my mom. we talked about some cool stuff. her chemo started the week before. jesus.

fri. oct. 28
i don't know. i think i took it easy or something.

sat. oct. 29
got up and filmed some scenes for this indie movie happening in london. it was a lot of fun, except for freezing my ass off laying on the near-frozen ground in a soccer field with a mouth full of fake blood. oh, no, wait, that was yesterday. sat. i went to toronto, had a couple of meetings for parts in some indie films. long story, but uh, holy crap what a weird day.
woke up after like 3 hours of sleep, just bonkered. call a cab so i don't miss my greyhound, barely get on there, and try to balance a newspaper, coffee, bottle of water, bagel, and my life, without spilling anything on the woman who's very displeased that i sat next to her. brilliant me brought the two scripts with me on my laptop that i'm reading for today, so that i wouldn't have had to read them before. i didn't bother, "oh yeah, i'll just read it on the bus..." of course, i completely forget because i'm out of my mind, until of course i get off the bus in toronto. "fuck! i'm such an idiot!" no big deal, i stop in a park and glance through script one real quick, then make my way to where i'm meeting the cats, but then i take a wrong turn, so i end up being about 25 minutes late, and they're on their way out when i get there. uh, yeah, whatever, they stayed, had a nice little conversation i was about 25% present for, and i'm off. meet somebody else, somewhere else, for another script reading, and they're late, and again, i could use the time to actually read the thing, but no, instead i flip randomly through some newspaper and stare out the window. meet up with a friend later, get some food, chase around a few wild geese, then end up at the memorial party for scotty kennedy, a super-cool dude who passed away recently. (you will be missed!) his band, the boyballz, take the stage, and it's a good time. everybody in costume, nevada and matthews and some other london boys are there, and it's rock'n roll. accidently end up ingesting mushrooms, which were mixed into a few wicked batches of cafe lattes being passed around. of course, i didn't find out about the mushrooms until i was on my third cup.

"this is really coffee!"

"yeah, it's awesome!"

"it's pretty strong, wow, i'm totally awake!"

"yeah, it's awesome!"

"my stomach feels a little weird though..."

"yeah, it's awesome!"

...

was at the party until about 8am or so, having an amazeling time. by that point, people were passed out everywhere, some girl was walking around taking polaroid pictures of the bodies and leaving them as souvenirs for her victims. drugged out cats dancing. zombies massaging giraffes. people painting on overhead projectors. some weird dude in a pink dress and black thong staring at everybody. breakfast with the boys, back on the road, finally home to sleep at 4pm, then up again at 7pm for work that night. ouch. matt and pat debuted their new live electro set and it was wicked. you should have been there.

sun. oct. 30
yeah, this was like a continuation of yesterday, pretty much.

mon. oct. 31
uh, halloween. people in costumes and whatnot. i worked.

tue. nov. 1
the day of the dead. deal with it.

okay, it wasn't that exciting, that was mostly intended for one person who was all like "dude, you haven't written on here in over a week... what have you been doing? you need to update shit every day... blah blah blah" uh yeah.

later,
ryan