rehab week - day 6...

another weird dream last night. i can't remember all of it, just a few pieces. i'm sitting in a classroom. high school. i'm in high school. i think it's the last day of school for the year. the class ends. everyone's packing their bags up, leaving the room. i'm stalling. i think there's a girl i want to talk to or something. but i don't think i have the guts to talk to her. i think i'm pretty nervous and shy. i walk out of the class room. i walk back into the class room. the girl is talking to the teacher. i turn around and leave. now i'm in another class room. the desk is really small. the teacher is talking, doing something on the chalk board. i'm bored with the lesson. i'm looking at something. on the desk. in my hands. something in package. i'm not sure now what it is. i think to myself, that i'd like to ask the teacher if i can borrow the math textbook for the summer, so i can work on some things. i haven't been paying attention in class, but i learn better on my own, anyway. next thing i'm walking down the street (richmond st., in london, walking south, on the east side of the street, between regent and victoria), with *****. it's night time. autumn. cool, but not cold. orange leaves. it's not raining, but it has recently, there's moisture in the air. you know the way, at night, when there's mist in the air, the way approaching headlights look? yeah, it was like that. anyway, for some reason i was wearing these weird pants that i'd stuck holograms all over. i kept looking at them, how they reflected the light.

more coffee,
ryan

oh yeah, a strange series of events happened a few days ago, that i've been meaning to tell you about. i was having one of those rough kind of mornings, not feeling too good about everything, and i went to the grocery store. waiting in the check out line, i saw in the next line over, a woman, who was about four feet tall, obviously retarded, severely overweight, with half a beard. a fraction of a thought entered my head. i walked outside, on my way to get coffee, and in front of me, crossing the street, was a blind man, with his white pole. when he got to the other side of the street, he became disoriented, and walked out into the middle of the intersection, with cars all around. i ran into the middle of the road after him, and when he turned around... he had one of the scariest faces i've ever seen in my life. his face, looked like playdoh, it was pretty flat, but with dents and craters, and the palest of pale skins. his eyes, a gassy, milky, cloudy swirl of impossible blue, they did not look real. the most striking feature of this man, was his hair. and a little goatee. white. not white meaning grey or a blueish white, but white. pure, completely, total, white. the whitest of white. cotton white. it did not look real. it could not have been real. i have never seen anything like it in my life. it was real. i told him to grab my arm, i'd lead him back to the corner. he did. i did. at the corner, i tried to talk to him, listen to him, figure out which way he wanted to go. i could not look at his face. i could not not look at his face. he couldn't understand what i was saying, he was very upset, frustrated at his / my inability to communicate. he was yelling at me. finally i had to just let him walk away, and he went back the way he had originally come. another piece of that thought entered my mind. i got coffee. on my way home with my groceries and coffee, i heard this loud bang, and looked up to see a car driving over a road median. the car stopped a few feet after, and an old woman got out, visibly shaken. i was about half a block away, and quickened my pace to see if she was okay. she had just driven straight over the little road island, didn't see it at all. perhaps her eyesight isn't too good. perhaps she was just distracted. she was now walking around her car, making sure it wasn't damaged. i was almost near enough now to speak to her, when another man approached her, from a nearby porch, where he had seen it happen. he asked her if she was okay. she did not reply. again, he asked her, are you okay? still, no response. one more time. nothing. was she in shock? embarassed? she half waved him off. he turned, back towards his house. she got back into her car, and, slowly, drove off. i walked home, that thought now, almost, complete...



(picture from samuel araya)