gin shakes & the dreams return...

never fails.

i don't usually remember my dreams...

but, whenever i stop drinking, after about three days, i start experiencing incredibly vivid dreams. it also works in reverse, when i haven't been drinking, and i start again, same thing, three days. this last for a couple of weeks, at most, after which, i don't remember my dreams anymore. i like waking up from dreams. maybe i should go on a two-week cycle... drink for two weeks, stay sober for two weeks, back and forth, for dreams' sake...

so, yesterday was my third day without a drink. gin shakes. always happens on the night of the third day. i get stupid. my hands quiver. i feel uneasy. a little anxious maybe. i drop things, knock things over. but i made it through the night, and sure enough, had an incredibly strange dream...

i will tell you about it.
at least, what i can remember...

first, i will tell you a bit about some of the things that have been in my mind lately. about a girl. (isn't it always?) a girl i love(d). a girl i had to leave. a girl who is still incredibly important to me. a girl i haven't heard from in a long time. a girl who used to share things about her life with me. a girl i thought i'd always be close to. a girl who's phone was recently disconnected. a girl who used to want to talk. a girl who has seemingly cut me out of her life. a girl who, a few weeks ago, emailed me and told me some things that made me worry about her. a girl who's life is different than it was when i was around. a girl's who's new life is a mystery to me...

a girl i've been thinking about.

a girl walked into the bar a few nights ago, a spitting image of the girl. a girl who, for a split second, i thought was the girl. a girl who i couldn't take my eyes off of all night. a girl who i couldn't look at. a girl who danced the same. a girl who smiled the same.

(i'm reminded of that usher song...)

so yeah, been thinking about this girl. it's been a year. sort of. maybe. if it ever, actually, WAS...

the dream. i'm in some sort of building. kind of gotham, movie-like, but not quite as dark, a bit less spooky. but industrial. kind of half warehouse, half office building, half apartments. or something. there are people around. but i'm in an upstairs part. a mostly empty room. i think there just a couple of people with me. i'm not sure who they are. then i'm on the roof. it's like a sea of interconnected roofs. you know, like in the movies, where they chase somebody and they're jumping from roof to roof? anyway. there is a little home-made shack on this roof. somebody lives in it. oh, it's me. i live in it. i guess maybe i was homeless or something and bulit a shack. i don't know. then i hear a voice. it's a newcaster talking about a flood, about a man who had a boat. and man who's boat landed on a roof during the flood, and when the waters went away, the boat remained on the roof. i look around the peak of the roof i'm on. i look down. there is a boat on the next roof. the man still lives in the boat. on the roof. oh, it's me. i live in it. i'm the man who's boat was set on this roof by the waters of a great flood. now i'm in an apartment. it's a nice apartment. i'm waking up, in a nice bed, in a small guest room. with a glass-paned door. dark colored walls. white trim. a large window. i don't know who's house i'm a guest in. i walk out of the room and start down a hall towards a kitchen. through the doorway i see somebody's foot. it's her. i know it is. i walk into the kitchen, and yes, it's her. she says good morning. she's in a robe, making breakfast. i'm not entirely sure what's going on. then there is a man in the kitchen, also in a robe. he's tall. he has longer hair. then i realize what's happening. this is THEIR place. i stayed over in the guest room. they are together. i can tell he doesn't like me, doesn't like the fact that i'm there. i don't like him either. i don't want to be there. i'm back on the roof. on my boat. i'm talk to an older man. he's a bit scruffy. he looks at the sky. he knows how i feel. he tells me i should get away from here. he tells me i should put the boat back in the water. he tells me i should sail to south america. he tells me he can teach me how to sail if i'll take him there in my boat...



i'm awake.