b.f.h.

i moved on thursday.
moving is such a strange feeling.
you box up all your shit, you load up the van, then you walk back into you empty apartment for one last look around...

i lit up a stick up sandalwood, and walked into each room, cleansing the apartment of my presence for the new tenants. i always get all emotional when i'm standing there in this empty shell of what used to be the HQ of my life, and am always surprised at how quickly i get over it. a couple of days later i never lived there.

wednesday i worked, got home at 4am, stayed up all night/morning packing, my flatmate's parents showed up at 8am with the moving truck and there we go. move my shit, move their shit. 8pm and i'm back at my bro & sis-in-law's place, a bit of food, exhausted, no sleep, pass out for 12 hours.

so now my entire life is boxed up in their basement, and i sleep on the couch for the next week until i leave on tour.

moving my records was a bitch. it always is.

i got asked to dj a party this saturday. a pajama party. email me for info. it'll be a good time. it's at my friends' breakdance/art studio. so i'm going through my records, figuring out what i want to play, and i can't find half the records i'm looking for. i start freaking out, did i lose shit? did somebody steal my shit? i don't know. i emailed a bunch of cats in montreal and my old flatmate mike emails me back and says i left some of my records there. god, thank god, i hope it's the stuff i'm looking for. i don't really give a fuck about most of them, except for my original copy of NWA's "straight outta compton" 12", shit, my little brother gave me that record for xmas when i was 13 and my life has never been the same. i was telling my man tim today, if it wasn't for that record, i never would have started rapping.

i can't believe i leave in a week.

tim came by today, we went out for lunch. it was good to see him. he's got such a good vibe to him. i feel strange sometimes because we end up talking about OK Cobra and all the stuff we're doing - and want to do - and sometimes we don't get to just be friends and joke around and laugh at each other. but it's cool. he's an awesome guy, and i'm proud of the music we've made together. and i'm excited about the music we will make together. but more important than all of that, i'm happy that our music has enabled me to reconnect with an old friend. i think our music and friendship will build at the same time, and this seems right to me. he's extremely talented, and, more simply, is a good guy with a good heart, and if putting my vocals over top of his music will help the world see his talent, then that's something i can be happy about.

so much to think about sometimes.

it's 5:04 am right now, a week from this moment, i will be at the airport, getting ready to get on a plane to halifax.

i'm homeless.

she emailed me, and i emailed her, and that's probably the end of it. i need to find out what happens in the next chapter, but i keep on reading the same page over and over again. i guess that's how it goes sometimes.

okay, i need to walk home, i need to sleep.

it is time...

ryan,
brazillian faith healer